2 dark Park

GAMES ARE SUPPOSED BE FUN , NO?
11.04.01 - Submitted by G
I'll start this off by telling you all I love playing games. Playing a game is very similar to reading a book or watching TV with you in the cockpit. Lately though I've noticed the fun in games slowly fading month by month. Now, I'm not sure if its because I've played to many games or if its the companies shoving out the games like bad porn on cinemax. The graphics department must get the big piece of the budget while the gameplay/content departments get the crumbs. I never intended to discuss games on this site, but I think I may feel better if I do. The most intriguing game genre to release are mmorpg. There is nothing better then playing a game with no definite ending, that is if the company doesn't go belly up. Before I hand over my hard earned cash to stores selling a product that is to be addictive and fun I usually search for bad reviews and technical problems of games .

The game I was searching for was Dark Age of Camelot. I searched everywhere and found only a small number of players complaining about this product. Mythic, the creators of DaoC state that their product is not supported with win2k or XP. I use XP and found few players having troubles. Mythic also states the Voodoo3&5 are not supported. I use V5 and found few players having troubles. So I went straight out and bought DaoC thinking my PC will sneak past the problems occurring to other players. I arrived home, installed, and logged in for a unexpected surprise. This didn't look like the screenshots I saw at other sites. So I bought a Geforce3 and began my DaoC adventure.

A few months ago I took part in the overrated game called Anarchy Online. DaoC greatly resembles AO. The major differences are, one is sci-fi and the other is medieval. The other noticeable difference is stability. In AO, expect to disconnect in a matter of minutes. I don't think I have to tell you the opposite of instability. Let me give you a example of stability. I left my character standing near Galpen to go eat dinner. After eating and chatting at the dinner table I returned to find Runamuk still standing in the same spot. Time elapsed: 1 hour. I was awfully surprised there wasn't a time-out feature, which they added 2 days later.

Runamuk reaches level 6, travels the land using the pony express, explores some dungeons, meets cool people, acquires materialistic items, and finds himself wondering "what now?". Runamuk also ponders why this has become so extremely boring. He notices things begin to annoy him like walking from point A to point B. Having to run to the nearest horse bus even drives a nail through his head. "Why do I walk so damn slow?"

So what is the conclusion to this little write up? There isn't one. Its missing like the fun in games today. Its just a endless mud slide of shit and piss with pretty textures. Who do I blame? Not the game companies who put out their vile shit, not myself for not allowing myself to enjoy them, and not the player base who let them slide on by handing out bananas wrapped in plastic. If you squint your mind just a little it may seem like your playing something fun, but after awhile the clock strikes 12 and you look around and see "I Love Lucy" reruns on nickelodeon. I just pray to god I can enjoy Star Wars Galaxies when it arrives on the store shelves. I wanna be a Jedi Wookie!

Hitchin out of this World
11.01.01 - Submitted by Shootist
Last week I had quite an experience that most humans would not even attempt to believe. I experienced some car trouble along a back road off of highway 51. The check engine light blared until I realized it was a smart light, unlike most other idiot lights. I slowly coasted to a slow stop from a speed of 120 mph, and pulled off the road. I of course popped the hood like the real man I am [hey seriously] and interrogated the glowing red engine to find a reason for its wimpiness. It pleaded the fifth, and didn't answer, and so I let be. I then proceeded to attempt to thumb a ride with the only actual digit on my hand that is technically not considered a finger. And I began to walk backwards for a distance that would have challenged the abilities of the infamous "Johnny Wisconus"[if you are not familiar, I will brief you on his existence in my next article which he is in the spotlight]. After dodging a couple swerving pickups commandeered by drunken back-road roving maniacs, and not to mention the gargantuan mutant owl swooping in from above in a few painful attempts take me home for a midnight snack, I was becoming irritated....................................

Office Supplies take man's Leg
11.05.01 - Submitted by NandP
Monday Morning of September 23, 2001.
6:45 am - Terry Futoo was found by the police lying on his kitchen bleeding profusely.
6:50 am - Medics arrive and begin recitation on Mr. Futoo.
6:52 am - The media arrive and secure the front lawn.
6:53 am - A meteorite the size of earth obliterates a planet in the far reaches of space.
6:54 am - Investigators notice small pieces of metal in Mr. Futoo's leg.
6:55 am - Medics amputate the leg.
6:57 am - Police look for more clues.
6:59 am - Medics rush upstairs and rummage through Mr. Futoo's personal belongings.

7:00 - Police Officers witness medics stealing a gold watch from Mr. Futoo's drawer.
7:01 - Medics are arrested.
7:03 - Terry Futoo passes away from blood loss.
7:04 - The police look for more clues.
7:05 - Officer Jones witnesses officer Omaha licking the wound of Mr. Futoo.
7:06 - Officer Jones shoots down officer Omaha killing him.
7:10 - Jesus arrives and blesses everyone and leaves.

7:12 - The sun explodes and the planets vaporize.
7:15 - Silence......
7:16 - Humans from the future arrive where earth once orbited the sun.
7:18 - They build a metal replica of Earth.
7:20 - The women make socks.
7:25 - Artificial weather is put into effect.
7:30 - Lightning strikes, killing the entire planet.

- Humans are stupid and will be forever...

Johnny on the Curb
11.30.01 - Submitted by "NandP"
12:33 am
Johnny is sitting on a curb outside a club called, Flaming Crabs waiting for his ride home. A group of young males exit the club and offer assistance to Johnny.
   "Hey there little fella. Need a ride anywhere?"
   "Go die! Go screw some sheep! People like you need a real job!" Johnny yelled at the young males.
The young males didn't respond to diplomatic to Johnny. The three males delivered repeated kicks and punches to his frame. Johnny lay beatin on the curb still waiting for his ride. He was a tough squirt so a few hits to the grill shrugged off quietly without a whimper.

1:05 am
A band of motorcycle riders crept up the street passing Johnny.
   Johnny yelled out. "Hey rednecks, get some real bikes! Harleys suck my ass!"
The bikers turned around. The leader of the gang accelerated toward Johnny who sat on the curb. The leader used Johnny as a bike ramp.

1:30 am
Johnny used a near by store window to examine his battle wounds. A welt on the head, bloody nose, tooth loose, and a tire track from his balls to his left shoulder. Johnny smiled and took his seat back on the curb.

1:40 am
Across the street a group of people leave a building called The Hidden Viper. A small sign on the door reads. (SIGN UP NOW , FREE DAY OF KARATE TRAINING)
   "Karate is for losers! Anyone can break wood with their foot retards! Which one of you is Mr. Myogy. I got some chop sticks for ya right here buddy!"
The karate students ducked into a alley. A second after they jumped out across the street in black ninja outfits. Cracks and womps filled the air as the band of ninja vipers gave Johnny a double dragon woopass of pain and punishment.

2:00 am
Johnny still siting on the curb for his ride begins to worry. He could walk two blocks to his home, but now his legs resembled nunchacas. His ride turns the corner pulling up to Johnny.
   "Hey man, sorry I'm late."
   "What the hell! Look at me for god sakes. You leave me sitting here on the street getting my ass caved in....You my friend are an asshole. Your mom hates you, your girlfriend is sleeping with my brother cause he's better. You smoke cigarettes! You smell like ass and when you don't - (CRACK) As Johnny ranted on with babble, his friend had reached into the glove box pulling out the 38 special with a bullet for Jonny.

     moral to the story: be nice, jerkoff!