Nothing played a bigger part in the downfall of the empire more than frostbite. During the Battle of Hoth, 98.3% of the entire stormtrooper army developed some form of frostbite. But even more deadly was where it had developed: the testicles. When creating the ‘snow’ stormtrooper uniform, engineers and scientists had disregarded the importance of gonad protection, instead focusing on protecting the face and anal areas(see picture). The only protection for the testicles was just a slight layer of high polyfiber spandex. As we all know, spandex, when revealed to cold temperatures, amplifies the temperatures by 76. Meaning once the temperatures dipped to a bone-chilling –20 degrees Celsius, the temperatures in the groin was reaching a staggering –254 degrees Celsius! Obviously these temperatures cannot be sustained by male balls, freezing them like ice cubes. Because of health issues, everyone effected had to have their penisi and testicles removed. 98.3% of the stormtrooper army was placed on disability and could no longer take part in wartime battles. The Empire, in a desperate situation to replace almost their entire army, had to totally change their hiring process and qualifications.

This is just the first part of this great mystery and top-secret story. What went wrong with the hiring process? What lead to the downfall? What happened to all those frozen penisi and testicles?

Come back for part 2 of this amazing story!